In my ongoing quest for the perfect framework for understanding haters, I created The Disapproval Matrix**. (With a deep bow to its inspiration.) This is one way to separate haterade from productive feedback. Here’s how the quadrants break down:
Critics: These are smart people who know something about your field. They are taking a hard look at your work and are not loving it. You’ll probably want to listen to what they have to say, and make some adjustments to your work based on their thoughtful comments.
Lovers: These people are invested in you and are also giving you negative but rational feedback because they want you to improve. Listen to them, too.
Frenemies: Ooooh, this quadrant is tricky. These people really know how to hurt you, because they know you personally or know your work pretty well. But at the end of the day, their criticism is not actually about your work—it’s about you personally. And they aren’t actually interested in a productive conversation that will result in you becoming better at what you do. They just wanna undermine you. Dishonorable mention goes to The Hater Within, aka the irrational voice inside you that says you suck, which usually falls into this quadrant. Tell all of these fools to sit down and shut up.
Haters: This is your garden-variety, often anonymous troll who wants to tear down everything about you for no rational reason. Folks in this quadrant are easy to write off because they’re counterproductive and you don’t even know them. Ignore! Engaging won’t make you any better at what you do. And then rest easy, because having haters is proof your work is finding a wide audience and is sparking conversation. Own it.
The general rule of thumb? When you receive negative feedback that falls into one of the top two quadrants—from experts or people who care about you who are engaging with and rationally critiquing your work—you should probably take their comments to heart. When you receive negative feedback that falls into the bottom two quadrants, you should just let it roll off your back and just keep doin’ you. If you need to amp yourself up about it, may I suggest this #BYEHATER playlist on Spotify? You’re welcome.
** I presented The Disapproval Matrix to the fine folks at MoxieCon in Chicago yesterday, and they seemed to find it useful, so I figured I’d share with the class. It was originally inspired by a question my friend Channing Kennedy submitted to my #Realtalk column at the Columbia Journalism Review.
|—||William Arthur Ward (via revnaomiking)|
by Susan Leem, associate producer
Photo by Brian Auer/Flickr, cc by-nc-nd 2.0
by Shebana Coelho, guest contributor
On a morning, sharp with winter, fresh with cold, I rise and walk on mesa paths,
red with longing-mine, red with loving-mine.
In slivers of air, here and there, smells of sage come and go. But their memory always lingers.
Bluejays dart through…
Grilled Corn, Peach and Basil Salsa. (via How Sweet It Is)
Grilled Corn, Peach and Basil Salsa (via How Sweet It Is)
makes about 3 cups
4 ears grilled corn, cut off the cob
2 large peaches, chopped
1 large tomato, chopped
1/4 red onion, chopped
6 large basil leaves, chopped
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
a few fresh squeezes of lemon juice
Combine all ingredients together and toss. Season with the salt and pepper, then mix again.
Classical Flash Mob Stuns Commuters
Jesper Nordin conducts the Sjællands Symfoniorkester (Copenhagen Philharmonic) in a flash mob at Copenhagen Central Station playing Ravel’s Boléro. This kind of performance art reminds us that, when you least expect it, you can become submerged in beauty within moments: anywhere, by anyone (in street clothes, hauling a bassoon), and it can disappear just as quickly.
i fell in love right away when i saw these two today.
What have our exhibit sea otters been up to? Obviously, it’s been a busy day…
Patty Smith - Hey Joe
This was the spoken word monologue she put at the beginning of the song, to transform it into having a message about Patty Hearst.
I participate in a contemplative practice with other folks now and then. Recently, as part of a year long intention to “befriend myself,” I decided to practice a bit of un-training during that time. Rather than settle down my “monkey mind” I decided to follow it around, as if it were a toddler…